


Thank the Lord for Capitalism and Walmart (cause we sure as hell are gonna need it now)

by panicatthecisco



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex may have set the kitchen on fire, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay John Laurens, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, John is the only level headed one in this relationship, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Thanksgiving Dinner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:27:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12801711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicatthecisco/pseuds/panicatthecisco
Summary: Alexander Hamilton tries to cook dinner in the same way he does everything else- bombastically, pun intended.





	Thank the Lord for Capitalism and Walmart (cause we sure as hell are gonna need it now)

It's a little after 12 on Thursday. Alex has been in the kitchen since 9. John woke up at ten to the sound of wild swearing and water splashing on the floor. Consequently, John has been in the kitchen since 10:02, cleaning up his boyfriend's messes.

It's their first Thanksgiving together, and they've both insisted that all their friends come over. And by all, they mean the grand total of 6- Aaron, Peggy, Eliza, Angelica, Hercules, and Lafayette, who still doesn't understand all the traditions behind Thanksgiving but is more than willing to come and eat the food and gawk at the Macy's parade.

Alex had insisted on cooking everything from scratch. John suggested he start a couple of days before, with things like the pie and maybe defrosting the turkey. But no, Alex knew what he was doing, thank you very much.

The complete opposite was almost immediately apparent. Alex had poured an entire pot of water on the floor while trying to cook potatoes, stepped in it, and almost cried over his wet socks. Then he'd spilled half of the pumpkin pie filling on the counter, burned his hand, gotten cranberry in his hair, briefly got distracted by a "Top 10 Creepiest Sounds Ever Caught on Tape" video on YouTube while trying to learn how to make rolls, and drank half of the bottle of wine he was supposed to use in some foreign sounding dish that John was sure was only for Laf's benefit.

So now, John is in the living room, trying to tune out Alex's exuberant humming of the Hairbrush Song from VeggieTales (once he'd gotten dry socks and the water was mopped up his spirits skyrocketed. Also, the wine helped) and the sounds of various things falling on the floor. He'd demanded the right to set the too-small table, and Alex had immediately agreed. "Your artistic eye will be the perfect thing for that poor table!" Alex had almost shouted. He's watching some cheesy holiday movie on the Hallmark channel when a loud and annoying beeping cuts through the cliched romance happening on screen. 

 _That's the fire alarm,_ John registers casually.

"That's the fire alarm!" Alex screams from the kitchen and John bolts up and off the couch to be greeted by the sight of their oven in flames and Alex perched on the counter watching with a type of fascination that John's only seen on the faces of arsons on Criminal Minds.

"What the fuck did you do?" John shrieks, grabbing for the fire extinguisher.

"To be honest, I'm not sure," Alex responds, sounding intrigued.

The flames die down, and inside the now blackened interior of the oven, John can see the charred turkey that was supposed to be the centerpiece and main attraction of dinner. It's still smoking, and is now dripping sad little drops of extinguisher foam onto the bottom of the pan and oven, where they evaporate with a  half hearted hiss.

"Well, there goes dinner," John says sadly.

"This was a disaster," Alex says, not sounding nearly repentant enough for John. He can't bring himself to be mad. This entire scheme was so very Alex- wild, not well thought out at first, but ending in the most memorable and wild of ways.

"What now?" John asks bleakly.

"Well, thank the Lord for capitalism," Alex chirps, hopping off the counter and tripping over himself to get to the other side of the room. He practically throws his wallet at John. "Get thee gone, Laurens, and purchase us some form of bird for the feeding of our guests."

John groans, but stifles a grin. "On one condition," he says.

"Anything," Alex responds.

"This place is immaculate by the time I get back."

It's Alex's turn to groan now.

 

__________________

 

That evening, they're all seated around the table, elbows jostling for room. The Schuyler sisters and Herc had descended on John over his simple, yet tasteful table decorations immediately. 

"This is very good," Aaron says sincerely, and John has to admit he's right. For all the trials it took to get them there, the meal did turn out pretty fine.

"It's very interesting what you did with the turkey," Angelica comments. "I've never seen it pre carved like this before. I've also never had a turkey that tasted like this either."

"Ah," Alex says, and John looks up to meet his eyes. "It's the Caribbean way of preparing and serving it. I used to have it like this back home, and thought it would be fun, you know?"

"Really?" everyone says in interest. "That's really cool," Eliza says, and Laf says something in French that sounds like he's enjoying himself.

 _Thank the lord for capitalism,_ John thinks,  _and the fact that Walmart sells chicken breast year round._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's Thanksgiving tomorrow, and there's nothing like a wild kitchen meltdown to set the holiday mood. I should know- I just tried to make a pumpkin pie and after baking it for an hour and forty-five minutes my wonderful, long-suffering mother approached me and quietly asked what I had put in to thicken the pie. 
> 
> Long story short, I had forgotten the eggs and doubled the milk. So thank the heavens above for Costco, because otherwise we'd be screwed desert wise.


End file.
